it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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