I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
