dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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