Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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