So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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