my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize