I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
