If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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