these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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