if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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