I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
