I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
