Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
