I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
