Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
false alarm, still single
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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