I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
