exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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