you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
