When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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