if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize