Me too!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Sorry my hands just texted you
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
