I'm eating all of the evidence.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
