you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
