I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
