pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
