Kiss
Puke
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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