Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
