You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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