i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
this just has baby written all over it
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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