I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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