So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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