morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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