yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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