My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Did I show you my penis last night?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
These tits shall not be calmed
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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