apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
