I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
