I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
