Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
