I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
