My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
