I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
