he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize