when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
