i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Screwed.edu
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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