What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
