i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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