So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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