My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
