You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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