i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
