we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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