And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
