yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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