I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
