I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
