i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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