One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
