too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
