i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
