: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
