i permit you to call me
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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