yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
