Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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