i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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