mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
