he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
