She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
