i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
