You really coming over, don't trick.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
