I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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