She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
