I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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