So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
