all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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