I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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