Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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