Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
