Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
