she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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