I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
