it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
cat food counts as protein by the way
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
