That's intense
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
