Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
