I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
