paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
